This was a lovely way to start my day. We’ve just put our tv in storage, and it feels like freedom! This was just a personal choice for our family, but I was feeling what you were feeling. This was so well said. Thank you for the reminders and encouragements to show our children that people are worth seeing and life is worth living.
Your words reached me at exactly the right time. I have been contemplating deleting my Instagram account and this might have been the push I needed! This is what I have been turning over in my mind lately: "I began to imagine what it would look like to separate myself from all of that input." Yes yes yes. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for reading, Megan. I've been off Instagram for a year and I honestly haven't missed it for a single second. I have no idea what topics or products are trending—but this has been my most productive, and consistent, year of writing since before I had children. I can't recommend it enough!
Brilliant as always. You are wise beyond your years. Thank you for this-incredibly relatable. I have had “one foot out the door” on social media for a long time. You described the situation perfectly.
This really struck a chord with me. I've been truly addicted to my phone for maybe over a decade (and I'm 31! Not even gen Z!). I've deactivated social media accounts, only to reactivate them a few days later. I used to love reading, and still do, but it feels like an unsurmountable effort compared to putting something on Netflix or losing an hour or two on YouTube shorts.
I thought having a baby would 'fix' me. Surely, I was going to be too busy looking after another person to be lost in the online world. Well, my daughter is a year and a half and she has learned that the phone is a coveted item that both of her parents seem to be glued to for the better part of the day. I want to change that, but, as you said, sometimes it feels like it kills me.
That line was actually meant to refer to Herculean efforts to disentangle my kids from digital addictions. For me, getting off social media was easy because it was impacting my health in such substantial and negative ways. I finally started taking inventory of my emotions as I scrolled through posts. Maybe one post out of a couple dozen made me feel good about myself. The rest did not. Then, there was content that didn't necessarily make me feel good about myself or bad about myself. It was just meaningless ("PSL FTW" Instagram stories, etc.). I don't mean to point fingers, either. I participated in producing meaningless content as well.
Initially, I tried to change the type of content I shared until I realized that the mechanics of social media were irrevocably flawed. The inability to finish reading content, for example, creates addiction that none of us actively chose. (There is no option to turn off the doom-scrolling feature on Instagram, for example.) We have an instinct to complete tasks, as human beings, which makes it very difficult to close the app. We also tend to be tribal as human beings, for better or for worse, which means that persuasive content, repeated again and again, impacts our brains and hearts. We want to get along with others and we want to be included with others. In my view, this has bred the divisive cultural era in which we find ourselves.
I think the best thing we can do is to just keep talking about the problems with existing devices and apps (i.e., IG doom-scrolling). I applaud your awareness and your honesty!
Heather this has always been my biggest struggle as an autism mom. How do I demand my kids get off their devices? Remove my sons fun iPad (that’s he grows more and more addicted to with every passing day) when I myself cannot put my phone down for more than 3 minutes? I cannot stop scrolling, videoing everything, shopping. I’m removed from my own life and demand my children have self control. What a hypocrite I am.
Jennifer, I hope you know that there is no judgment on my end. Obviously, this is an online newsletter and I want people to read my newsletter. My husband earns a living online. We are not a screen-free household. There was a time my son's nervous system couldn't tolerate a family dinner around the table (too many transitions, too many different volumes and vocal pitches from multiple people at the table, and too many expectations) and, in order to get my son to eat, we ate most of our meals in front of the TV. We did what we needed to do in order to get through the day. I can't and won't apologize for that.
I have a difficult time writing about this topic because, in so many ways, the internet has made my life better. Without the internet, I might've never known there were other families like mine. I appreciate being able to order groceries online. (Before grocery pickup, I shopped at 9-10pm at night after my kids went to sleep.) Alongside the good, however, is the not-so-good: addiction, loss of other interests or hobbies (or never discovering certain interests or hobbies due to being "terminally online"), and just an overall feeling of being disconnected from your own life.
My intention isn't at all to guilt parents into taking away technology that is serving their families. If your child has an iPad but doesn't have a Switch, celebrate that as a win. If your child has a Switch but doesn't have a phone, celebrate that as a win. If your child has a phone, but doesn't have social media, celebrate that as a win. I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all solution for every family. My convictions will probably differ from your convictions. My intention is to initiate an honest conversation about the good and the bad.
Only you know where the Lord is calling you to shift habits. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Ohhh friend I would never ever think you’re judging anyone ever! I love your words. Your shared stories. This has been a conviction in my life for 2 years but as a coping mechanism, and probably survival, I disconnect from my kids by allowing the iPads and screens way too much. But the lord has nudged me ever so kindly to remind me I’ll never get this time back. Maybe someday my autistic son will be able to tolerate tv or iPads in small doses but as of now it makes him very aggressive and he has many addict behaviors in an actual drug addict. Once he broke his iPad and went 48 hours w out it while it was getting fixed. He didn’t get used to it. He had Withdraw symptoms. Fever shaking throwing up which all went away the moment iPad was back in hand. Just reading this felt like another nudge from the lord that I need to do this for myself and my family. I’m a zombie and I don’t want to remember life like this at the end
This is one of my favorite essays you've written -- so much that we are all thinking about as parents.
And -- If you can decipher my penmanship, I'm game for switching to handwritten letters!
This was a lovely way to start my day. We’ve just put our tv in storage, and it feels like freedom! This was just a personal choice for our family, but I was feeling what you were feeling. This was so well said. Thank you for the reminders and encouragements to show our children that people are worth seeing and life is worth living.
Also, I love Joni Mitchell too.
Your words reached me at exactly the right time. I have been contemplating deleting my Instagram account and this might have been the push I needed! This is what I have been turning over in my mind lately: "I began to imagine what it would look like to separate myself from all of that input." Yes yes yes. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for reading, Megan. I've been off Instagram for a year and I honestly haven't missed it for a single second. I have no idea what topics or products are trending—but this has been my most productive, and consistent, year of writing since before I had children. I can't recommend it enough!
Beautiful thoughts and heart behind this. Thanks! All praise to Jesus.
Preach it!
“Me, age fourteen” 😂
Brilliant as always. You are wise beyond your years. Thank you for this-incredibly relatable. I have had “one foot out the door” on social media for a long time. You described the situation perfectly.
This really struck a chord with me. I've been truly addicted to my phone for maybe over a decade (and I'm 31! Not even gen Z!). I've deactivated social media accounts, only to reactivate them a few days later. I used to love reading, and still do, but it feels like an unsurmountable effort compared to putting something on Netflix or losing an hour or two on YouTube shorts.
I thought having a baby would 'fix' me. Surely, I was going to be too busy looking after another person to be lost in the online world. Well, my daughter is a year and a half and she has learned that the phone is a coveted item that both of her parents seem to be glued to for the better part of the day. I want to change that, but, as you said, sometimes it feels like it kills me.
That line was actually meant to refer to Herculean efforts to disentangle my kids from digital addictions. For me, getting off social media was easy because it was impacting my health in such substantial and negative ways. I finally started taking inventory of my emotions as I scrolled through posts. Maybe one post out of a couple dozen made me feel good about myself. The rest did not. Then, there was content that didn't necessarily make me feel good about myself or bad about myself. It was just meaningless ("PSL FTW" Instagram stories, etc.). I don't mean to point fingers, either. I participated in producing meaningless content as well.
Initially, I tried to change the type of content I shared until I realized that the mechanics of social media were irrevocably flawed. The inability to finish reading content, for example, creates addiction that none of us actively chose. (There is no option to turn off the doom-scrolling feature on Instagram, for example.) We have an instinct to complete tasks, as human beings, which makes it very difficult to close the app. We also tend to be tribal as human beings, for better or for worse, which means that persuasive content, repeated again and again, impacts our brains and hearts. We want to get along with others and we want to be included with others. In my view, this has bred the divisive cultural era in which we find ourselves.
I think the best thing we can do is to just keep talking about the problems with existing devices and apps (i.e., IG doom-scrolling). I applaud your awareness and your honesty!
Heather this has always been my biggest struggle as an autism mom. How do I demand my kids get off their devices? Remove my sons fun iPad (that’s he grows more and more addicted to with every passing day) when I myself cannot put my phone down for more than 3 minutes? I cannot stop scrolling, videoing everything, shopping. I’m removed from my own life and demand my children have self control. What a hypocrite I am.
Jennifer, I hope you know that there is no judgment on my end. Obviously, this is an online newsletter and I want people to read my newsletter. My husband earns a living online. We are not a screen-free household. There was a time my son's nervous system couldn't tolerate a family dinner around the table (too many transitions, too many different volumes and vocal pitches from multiple people at the table, and too many expectations) and, in order to get my son to eat, we ate most of our meals in front of the TV. We did what we needed to do in order to get through the day. I can't and won't apologize for that.
I have a difficult time writing about this topic because, in so many ways, the internet has made my life better. Without the internet, I might've never known there were other families like mine. I appreciate being able to order groceries online. (Before grocery pickup, I shopped at 9-10pm at night after my kids went to sleep.) Alongside the good, however, is the not-so-good: addiction, loss of other interests or hobbies (or never discovering certain interests or hobbies due to being "terminally online"), and just an overall feeling of being disconnected from your own life.
My intention isn't at all to guilt parents into taking away technology that is serving their families. If your child has an iPad but doesn't have a Switch, celebrate that as a win. If your child has a Switch but doesn't have a phone, celebrate that as a win. If your child has a phone, but doesn't have social media, celebrate that as a win. I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all solution for every family. My convictions will probably differ from your convictions. My intention is to initiate an honest conversation about the good and the bad.
Only you know where the Lord is calling you to shift habits. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Ohhh friend I would never ever think you’re judging anyone ever! I love your words. Your shared stories. This has been a conviction in my life for 2 years but as a coping mechanism, and probably survival, I disconnect from my kids by allowing the iPads and screens way too much. But the lord has nudged me ever so kindly to remind me I’ll never get this time back. Maybe someday my autistic son will be able to tolerate tv or iPads in small doses but as of now it makes him very aggressive and he has many addict behaviors in an actual drug addict. Once he broke his iPad and went 48 hours w out it while it was getting fixed. He didn’t get used to it. He had Withdraw symptoms. Fever shaking throwing up which all went away the moment iPad was back in hand. Just reading this felt like another nudge from the lord that I need to do this for myself and my family. I’m a zombie and I don’t want to remember life like this at the end